Konstandinos Mahoney

Grindr Monologue (1)

(2.26 a.m.)

They say staying invisible increases your chance of being desired.

Sad. But you’re different! Because while everyone else is a degraded version of the self they’ve created on here, your profile says that you are aware of exactly what’s going on, like you go into a 50’s themed diner and you know the 50’s themed diner is better than the ones they had in the 1950’s, see what I’m saying?

(2.35 a.m.) Hello?

(2.38 a.m.) Hello?

Grindr Dialogue (1)

I use this traditional three-step model as a relationship template

a) We have sex

b) We meet in person, see if we like each other

c) We get married

Isn’t it physically impossible to have A before B?

Not the way I do it.

Grindr Dialogue (2)

Gr8 hair

Thanks! Hey, what you into?

Cuddling, love it! Hopeless romantic.

Cuddling? How is cuddling going to get these BEES OUT OF MY FRIGGIN TEETH!!!!?

Grindr Dialogue (3)

I’m in town for the night, all alone in my hotel room.

Is there any ice?

Ice maker down the corridor.

Can you stick your dick in a bucket of ice and then fuck me so that it’s like being fucked by a vampire?

Sure. Come on over. Comfort Inn, Edgware Road.

Konstandinos Mahoney, Greek-English-Irish London poet, won publication of his collection Tutti Frutti (SPM) in the 2017 Sentinel Publication Poetry Book Competition and is a winner of the Poetry Society’s 2017 Stanza Competition with ‘Dr Mirabilis and the Brass Wall That Will Save England’.

He teaches Creative Writing at Hong Kong University (visiting lecturer), and performs his poems with Steve Halliwell & Clare Harriott as DINO & THE DIAMONDS (Saboteur shortlist 2019) www.dinoandthediamonds.com